Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
