wakey wakey hands off snakey
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
