I can text with my tongue
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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