as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
