we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
