oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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