do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
