you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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