can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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