tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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