I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
