I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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