I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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