so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
