I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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