I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
