Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
