FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
