who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
