we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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