she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
