11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
