i just google imaged poop.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize