I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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