I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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