maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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