Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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