Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
