If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this boner is exhausting
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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