i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
