brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize