I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
