yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
