she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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