he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
