I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
