I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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