Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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