This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
