I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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