It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
