We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
