so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
