How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
