basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So many bounce houses so little time
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
