you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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