The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
