i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
