so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
