this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
