We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
