Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
