After last night, I could never be a politician.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
