Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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