I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
