fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
