Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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