I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
