He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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