oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
