fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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