We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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