my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
