Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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