I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
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there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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