I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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