Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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