we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
