My brain says no but my pants say off.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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