you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
