I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
